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I’m in charge of suppressing all the positive test results here in NSW, so I thought I’d clear up some confusing that seems to be popping up here 1/?
So the premier gives us the number of cases she wants for that day and we work backward from there. It’s trickier than it may sound because there are a few people and agencies involved in the testing procedure, but I’m proud to say we deliver on our promise to rig these numbers.
Basically, we test as normal, but whenever one of the hundreds of pathologists tasked with processing the tens of thousands of daily tests gets a positive result, we get alerted to that and have a chat with them.
We let them in on the scheme and hope they’re amenable to staying quiet about it, because if they’re not keen, we have to kill them. I would say that killing the uncooperative pathologists is the least good part of my job.
It’s a lot of work and required dozens, possibly hundreds of people to be sworn to secrecy or killed but it’s worth to achieve our goal of making some people from Melbourne sad.
Anyway hope you enjoyed this peek behind the curtain!
