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Ok. Today's my birthday. I am 41 years old. Small thread about getting old and stuff. https://twitter.com/jjbbllkk/status/1325970344042143744
Not a day goes by that I don't think about being in my 40s and wonder what the fuck happened. I have no compass, I have no idea how I got here. I don't know what 40 means. I know 50 is next and that scares me a little but I don't know how to *really* feel about anything.
And that's good in some ways. I think we're all led to believe that life will go a certain way in certain decades. That by certain ages stability and normalcy will be delivered to your doorstep, and you'll have everything figured out. *cue laugh track*
That's obviously a fucking lie and has been for some time. But I will say that I'm in a much better place than I've ever been and can look back on the last year with a sense of accomplishment more than ever before. That's mostly because of all of you.
YouTube stuff has given me an ecosystem to find my footing and understand what's important to me, what I'm good at. Set boundaries in ways I've never had the confidence to before, and be creative in a capacity I never thought possible. I can't thank you enough.
I have no idea what will happen next year. Or the year after that. Every day I wonder what part of me will fail first, what body part will turn against me, or when my mind will finally stop being able to do the things I've come to rely on it for.
It frankly terrifies me, but I know from experience now that we always do the best we can with what we have. So when my hands stop working I'll figure something out. When my brain stops working I hope I'm at least in a good place with people I care about.
Getting older isn't so much a thing that "sucks" as just this... thing. You can't escape it, you can't run from it. So you better make peace with it and put yourself in a place where you can feel as good about yourself and your accomplishments as possible.
Thanks for making this last year something I can look back on and feel good about. I couldn't be here without you.
